if the waves crashed down would you take my hand?
its been so long but nothing has changed, we still cry over the same things and hang our head because were ashamed.
if i fall beneath the soil, you wouldnt miss me.
i wish you could wear white and not feel ashamed. i wish you were mine... i know i am but thats not how its always been
is it really what we believe it to be or is that our hearts lying to us. keeping us alive. for if it stops lying we shall code and the pulsating shall stop
we shall die
so i am leaving
goodbye
i hope you can truly be happy i'm to much of a jealous girl to have forever
i hope you understand
i cant stop the hurt any longer
i love you

I wanna be the surgeon that cuts you open,
That fixes all of life's mistakes
I wanna be the house that you were raised in
The only place that you feel safe

I wanna be a shower in the morning
That wakes you up and makes you clean
I know I'm just the weather against your window
As you sleep through a winter's dream

Someones churning the earth
Someone's stirring the sky
Every color at once in a column of lights
Bacteria breeds on a microscope slide
The worm in my heart's the apple of your eye

Don't adore what is impossible
We have built this ship in a wine bottle
But if you knew how it worked,
We'd have to grow old

Someone's eating at you, wakes you up in the night
If you're digging the past, who knows what you'll find
Read the newspaper print off the microfiche slide
And you're holding your breath for the rest of your life

Don't you love what is intangible
I have built this ship in a wine bottle
But if you knew who I was ...
You would never grow old

Letting Go

ITS TIME FOR ME TO LET GO NOW
YOUR THE ONLY ONE I SHALL MISS. I LOVE YOU, NEVER FORGET THAT

NOBODY HEARS

I talk through my eyes, the words pourin' down
Nobody hears
You ask me what's wrong, but what can I say
Nobody hears

I try to tell you, I try to show you
How else can I tell you, how else can I show you

I'm screaming inside, why can't you hear
Nobody hears
You're looking right though me like I'm not here
Nobody hears


When the last tear falls down
Nothing gets washed away
Another plea put to rest
As nobody hears, nobody hears

So what did I do to you
That makes you run from me
Now I'm sitting here screaming inside myself
Don't understand why nobody hears

You figured it, shaped it to your prefection
Nobody hears
Subtracted my feelings from the equation
Nobody hears

Is it all in my mind
Then it would be easy to find

as i disapear in the sunset dont you fucking dare say you miss me

they say there is a time for each one of us to go a time that we are no longer wanted a time were we are surposed to be set free
however i know you will always be there do tie me down to deconstruct my thoughts and my dreams the coals you burn are hurting my heart
i try to breathe but you push me further down beneath the waters surface sometimes i wonder if you realise what your doing
i give you a chance and say your in denial then you push me down one more time and i cannot forgive your lies
the water is filling my lungs i close my eyes and imagine you burning
it doesnt help
it doesnt help
it doesnt help
because in the end people always leave it is only a matter of time you know that
people always leave people always leave
i keep running red lights but nothing seems to happen i keep trying to let go but it seems i am invincable
what a fucking liberty

i will continue to hide under the sheets of desperation

have you ever wondered how other people see you?
or how you see yourself
Forgiveness is never easy. Bitterness is easy, Hatred is easy. But forgiveness, that is a tough one. Sometimes people say things they don't mean or do things they can't take back. Sometimes we do things we can't take back. We're all afraid of something. I was afraid. But in the face of great despair, i had an epiphany........... What i have done is who i am. But what i have done is not who i will be. Its been nearly 37 million seconds 10,000 hours, 14 months................. Since i realized what i have done is not who i can be. Unburden yourself from the mistakes of the past. And when you do, your heart grows stronger, i should know. Mine was supposed to go out long time ago. But it doesn't mean that what you have done is forgotten and what you have done remembers.

They say we leave this world just the way we came into it ---- naked and alone.

So, if we do leave with nothing, What then, is a measure of a life ? Is it defined by the people we choose to love ?

Or is life simply measured by our accomplishments ?

And what if we fail ? or are never truly loved ? What then ? Can we ever measure up ?

Or will the quiet desperation of a life gone wanting, Drive us mad ?

Albert Camus once wrote, "Blessed are the hearts that can bend. They shall never be broken." But I wonder.... If there's no breaking, then there's no healing. And if there's no healing, then there is no learning. And if there's no learning, then there's no struggle. But the struggle is a part of life, So must all hearts be broken ?

Love of mine some day you will die
But I'll be close behind
I'll follow you into the dark

No blinding light or tunnels to gates of white
Just our hands clasped so tight
Waiting for the hint of a spark
If Heaven and Hell decide
That they both are satisfied
Illuminate the NOs on their vacancy signs

If there's no one beside you
When your soul embarks
Then I'll follow you into the dark

In Catholic school as vicious as Roman rule
I got my knuckles bruised by a lady in black
And I held my tongue as she told me
"Son fear is the heart of love"
So I never went back

If Heaven and Hell decide
That they both are satisfied
Illuminate the NOs on their vacancy signs

If there's no one beside you
When your soul embarks
Then I'll follow you into the dark

You and me have seen everything to see
From Bangkok to Calgary
And the soles of your shoes are all worn down
The time for sleep is now
It's nothing to cry about
'cause we'll hold each other soon
In the blackest of rooms

If Heaven and Hell decide
That they both are satisfied
Illuminate the No's on their vacancy signs

If there's no one beside you
When your soul embarks
Then I'll follow you into the dark
Then I'll follow you into the dark

Yes i know i have lost so why are you still around you keep poking at my heart with your razor sharp nails.
i try to run try to run away
but for fucks sake keep playing your voilin, run away from the things that have taken you years to build.
your a fucking pathetic excise for a father
dont worry i am fine
i really am
i stand in the corner because those three words destroyed every inch of me.
did you know everytime you leave someone it could be the last time you see them
you should know this better than anyone buy you dont your so naive, i need you to understand i wont be here much longer i will be gone i shall sail away and never return
your a fagggot
i know were your heart lays
its a predicatable movie ending if you were not so lame, you would have discovered
that it will only end in bloodshed

black comedy

Well once I gave a look to you but you never gave it back
So here I stand expressionless but my memory's intact
I guess the past is good for a laugh
A comedy so dry and black
It makes my stomach hurt so bad, I cried
So two thumbs up we give this one despite it's predictable ending
Dialogue seemed rushed and wrong but the actors did their best
To lay some worth on every word
Like coffins dropped into the earth
The saddest sound I ever heard, we sang along
We sang it, take this weight away
We sang it, take this weight away
We sang it, take this weight away
Away
Away
i could not bare to loose you
i could not bare to loose you
i could not bare to loose you
if i did i would listen to unchained melody 1000,0000 times
untill the depression got to me so bad i took the blade and said goodbye
"till we meet again"
"till we meet again"
"till we meet again"

blah blah blah

hahaha i just want to quit my job everyone there are big fat faggots ahhahaha
and prehaps someone will kill me for writing this but i just imagine the big guys from csi coming and tracking down my killer by reading my blog hahha so if i die its proabably from someone at work
dont even know what i am talking about hey ahhahah shit i am so lame
fuck
bye haha

what a fucking bad warrior i am

one day you will be with me and the next you will be gone
i worry if its an accident and i worry if its by choice
i told myself that i'd never love, i'd distance myself for ever. i would be gaurded, my shield and my sword would protect agaisnt this broken heart.
but i gave in, what a fucking wreck i am, i was taken in by your kindness, and your love for me
what a fucking bad warrior i am.
my friends say its just a teenage realationship, well indeed it is, but its so much more, i hope it lasts, cause i cant loose you let alone imagine you with some other whore.
your my one and only
go on fuckers, tease if you will..... yeah sure i'll proabably end up with a broken heart but let me daydream a little bit longer.
appreciate my company, because when it ends, i will be no
more
what a fucking bad warrior i am

you will you will you will

Well you say that I treat you like a book on a shelf.
I don't take you out that often 'cause I know that I've completed you
and that's why you are here.
That is the reason you stay here.
How awful that must feel.
You said you would be my dream. I could have you every night
and if, by morning, I had forgotten you, well, no big deal, it would be all right
'cause you are the reoccurring kind.
You are the reoccurring kind.
You never really leave my mind.
Are you the love of my lifetime? 'Cause there have been times I have had my doubts.
We were just kids when I first kissed you in the attic of my parents house,
and I wish we were there now.
It took so long to figure out
what this book has been about.
Now I write when I'm away letters that you never read.
You said go to explore those other men,
the geography of their bodies
but there is just one map you'll need.
You are a boomerang. You'll see.
You will return to me.

'Cause if you don't, then this book is all lies.
If you don't, then my plans would all be ruined.
If you don't, I'll start drinking like the way I drank before.
And I just wont have a future anymore.

do we stay or do we let go ????

Love is something we all inspire to have. However when we get it. we wonder. we pause. even if its for a split second it happens.
yeah blame it on the past. your a pathetic faggot. grab the knife, why the fuck did you have to be such a slut.
you can cry, go on i dare you but in the end were not forever. your the glass of wine i never finish.
i grab the vodka and push you away i am an independent bright women i dont need you... or do i
i couldnt imagine you with another woman. fuck id punch that whore in the face
but i cant imagine us forever......
so climb into my suitcase and ill lock you up...... untill god cuts our juglar veins and we fade away

i wish my lover was patrick dempsey your a fucking babe
but life doesnt go that way. i'm the normal one.... my drama career is going NO WHERE. FUCK CARROLL COLLEGE for not offering it.
one day you will be sorry when i am a actress and dont mention you in my Emmy speech.

we are no where and its now
your my ten minute dream i always have in the passengers seat
i have been sleeping so strangeee. side effects they dont advertise.
my friend comes after work and the feature starts to work.
did you forget that yellow bird, oh how could you forget your yeallow bird

oh this one will bring you luck
its so not true but i keep it for good luck '

Sunrise Sunset

Sunrise, sunset.
Swiftly go the days.
Sunrise, sunset.
You wake up, then you undress.
It always is the same.
The sunrise and the sunsets.
You are lying while you confess, keep trying to explain.
The sunrise and the sunsets
You realize then you forget what you've been trying to retain.
But everybody knows that it is all about the things
that get stuck inside of your head,
like the songs your roommate sings
or a vision of her body as she stretches out on your bed.
She raised her hands in the air, asked you,
When was the last time you looked in the mirror?
Cause you've changed.
Yeah, you've changed.
Sunrises, sunsets.
You're hopeful then you regret.
The circle never breaks.
With a sunrise and a sunset there's a change of heart or address.
Is there nothing that remains?
For a sunrise or a sunset.
You're manic or you're depressed.
Will you ever feel ok?
For a sunrise or a sunset, your lover is an actress.
Did you really think she'd stay?
For a sunrise or a sunset.
You're either coming or you just left but you're always on the way.
Towards a sunrise or a sunset, a scribble or a sonnet.
They are really just the same.
To the sunrise and the sunset.
The master and his servant have exactly the same fate.
It's a sunrise and a sunset.
From a cradle to a casket.
There is no way to escape.
The sunrise and the sunset.
Hold your sadness like a puppet, keep putting on the play.
But everything you do is leading to the point
where you just won't know what to do.
And at that moment you may laugh
but there is someone there who will be laughing louder than you.
So it's true, the trick is complete.
Become everything you said you never would be.
You're a fool! You're a fool!
Sunrise, sunset, sunrise, sunset.
Sunrise and the sunsets.
Sunrise, sunset, sunrises, sunsets.
Sunrise and the sunsets.
Sunrise, sunset.
Go home to your apartment
and put the cassette in the tape deck and let that fever play.
Sunrise, sunset.

FUCK ASSIGNMENTS ARE DONKEY DICK IDEAS

should be doing assignments right now fuck life
they all come at once i bet the bloody teachers plan it
shit
screwed like a bitch for RE
im just gonna go watch sex and the city
hahahaha

yeah its cool we can still be friends

Yeah, you still kiss me, but it's just on the cheek

Yeah, you still kiss me sometimes, but it's just on the cheek
You pull away so easily

And I still call you, but I get your machine
And I still call you, but I get your machine
And if I'm lucky I guess, I get your roommate answering
But you're at the bar, or at Gene's

And we go to dinner, but you won't hold my hand
We sit at the same table, but we don't play with our feet
Yeah, we still go to dinner sometimes, but we don't sneak a kiss
When the waitress turns around

And we still watch movies, but we don't share the couch
And we still rent movies, but we don't share the couch
Yeah, we still watch movies sometimes, but you don't lay in my lap
The plot is slow, take a nap

And you even stay over, but now we stay in our clothes
Yeah, you'll even sleep over, but now we stay in our clothes
Yeah, you even sleep over sometimes, but we stay in our clothes
I'm only there so that you're not alone

And you say that I hurt you, in a voice like a prayer
Yeah, you say that I've hurt you, and your voice is like a prayer
Yeah, well maybe I hurt you sometimes, but let's contrast and compare
Lift up your shirt, the wound isn't there

I guess that your truth, is just the ghost of your lies
I guess your kind of truth, is just the ghost of your lies
Yeah, your kind of truth, darling, is just the ghost of your lies
I see through them all the time
So I'm pouring some whiskey, I'm gonna get drunk
Yeah, I'm pouring myself some vodka, I'm going to get really fucking drunk
I'm pouring some Vodka right now, I'm going to get so, so drunk
That I pass out, forget your face, by the time I wake up.

a little insight to the past hahah kaileigh
"when you have something so strong"

The Vanishing act

Were you surprised that we never spoke?
That in the still of the night, when nothing stirs
I woke and I gathered up some clothes
I never planned on this but it's the way it goes
And now it all seems too familiar like pages turned on calendars
We get the same twelve months to fuck things up, year after year
And I can't believe how down I am like a well I'm being lowered in
Now water stops, the bucket drops us farther and farther down
Farther and farther down

Well I guess that you never knew me
Or at least not well enough

So I fill my gut with dark red wine
Until my brain shuts off and my eyes go blind
You won't see me there in that thick black air
Yeah, I'll finally make something disappear

Because I've been practicing disappearing
And I think that I've got it down

Now there is no sun, just a cellar
Nowhere is sky, just that black, black dirt
Now there is no sun, it's just a cellar
Nowhere is sky, just that black, black
Black, black dirt

Expanding outwards, just echoes for answers
Not that it matters, it's back or it's forwards
Unhappy lovers with baskets of flowers
Use them as markers
The place where your bed once stood
A time when it still felt good

But you'll get that feeling back
Yeah, you just need some time to think
And to add up the hell, get it straight in your mind
But to calculate cost, that may take some time
But I'm sure you'll get to feeling better
Yeah, I just need some time to drink

So I'll fill my gut with that blood red wine
Until my insides swim and my veins unwind
I'll be lying there in that hot white air
Once that something's gone, it might never reappear
It might never reappear
It might never reappear
It might never reappear